In the wee hours of the morning one year ago today, we looked at Derrick's smooth, soft, perfect little chest for the last time.
Today, one year ago, was the first time we did the hardest thing we've ever done. We handed "Baby D" over to have his heart touched. It was absolutely the most difficult thing I had ever done up to that day. The pain of childbirth quickly faded to nothing compared to the pain of watching strangers wheel my eight day old son down the hall for heart surgery. Pain that I could feel in the veins in my wrists.
He came back hours later a whole new baby. He was tough to look at initially, but I knew my baby boy was under those tubes and bandages somewhere. A baby with a special story to tell.

Over the next few weeks, his little body quickly healed
and a beautiful pink scar formed.
All of us have scars.
Some have scars that are visible to others,
Some have scars that are visible to others,
and some have scars that can't be seen, but can only be felt inside.
Derrick has touched my heart and given me a scar that will never fade.
Scars are not bad.
They make us who we are.
They give us personality, and they help us tell our stories.
It's what we do with ours scars that really matters.
I hope Derrick does something big with his.
I hope he isn't embarrassed by it. I hope he's proud of it.
A lot of times I don't notice Derrick's scar anymore.
It's always been there.
It's always been there.
Actually, it's the perfect, soft, bare little chests that I notice now.
But sometimes, when life is really "normal" and I forget for a second that Derrick has such a special little heart, that scar will peek out from under his shirt and take my breath away. It reminds me of the obstacles he has overcome, and the ones that lie ahead. But most of all, it reminds me of all I have to be thankful for.
I hope it reminds him to be thankful too.
I can just imagine Derrick sitting in a circle with his little kindergarten class for show-and-tell...
He's empty-handed and his teacher says, "Derrick, it's your turn to share. Did you forget your show-and-tell?" As he yanks up his shirt, Derrick says, "Nope. Today I wanted to share the story of my special heart!"
That would make my heart smile! :) I bet you anything, it'll happen. Just wait.
Scars tell stories. They're something to be proud of, not ashamed of.
I love that little scar, and I hope D does too.
