It Still Always Makes Me Nervous

Today's the dreaded day. There are about two months and three weeks at a time where life seems pretty 'normal'.  Then the week of the appointment comes.  I become a nervous wreck all over again.

It's time to go see the cardiologist.  

We've been there more times than I can count, yet it never gets any easier.  Now that I know surgery could be pretty much any time now, it makes me even more of a mess.  Like lump-in-my-throat-stomach-in-knots-nauseous-mess. 

I know he'll be fine, it's just hard to give up that fear sometimes.  It's hard to look into these big green eyes and know that there are so many things we don't know. 

I was telling him yesterday that we were going to see Dr. S today and that he was going to look at his heart, that he might put stickers on his chest and might look at his heart on the tv.  He said, "And Mommy, you will be there?"

Yes, baby.  I'll always be there.  Until your wife insists for the 57th time that the two of you can go to an appointment without me (and that will take a lot of convincing!!), I will be there.  Always, always, always.  And I'll probably always be a nervous wreck.


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