The *F* Word

The call came today.  The date of the day we've been cautiously anticipating for almost FIVE years. 

There's something about that 843 area code showing up on my phone that sends me into a panic.  It's such a strange feeling, that desperation of wanting to know, yet wanting to ignore it in hopes that it will go away. 

 Derrick's *Fontan* will be.....

Tuesday, October 1, 2013.

 As I hung up the phone with the surgery scheduler I looked up and the sky perfectly mirrored my emotions.

I've never seen the sky look like this.  A bright blue sky filled with fluffy, glowing white clouds with really dark grey clouds sprinkled on top.  This picture does it no justice and it probably seems crazy that I'm posting it here, but I need to remember it.  The sky so perfectly represented my feelings.  The relieved to know, the thankful we've made it to this point, the knowledge of a God who has had it all planned perfectly way longer than the five years we've known about.... then there are those dark clouds.  The ones that try to come in and gloom up the day.  Those dark thoughts that I can't help but have run over my happy.  The doubt and the fear and the feeling of helplessness.   It's there.  But by the time I drove into the driveway and was met by two bouncing, squealing little people blowing bubbles in the sunshine, the dark clouds were gone and the white fluff had taken over again.

We're ready.  We're ready to not have the *F* word looming anymore.   We're ready to be post-Fontan like so many of our buddies have become this summer.  We're ready to fill our next three weeks with fun memories to get us through the yuck that's coming.  Let's do this!

And because I must have a picture of at least one sweet face, here are our babies.  How are they so big?!  We had the "blessing of the backpacks" at church on Sunday.  No, neither of them are going anywhere right now but they took their backpacks anyway.  They were SO excited! 

  (The crooked pigtails totally match the personality! :)

Oh, how I love them!!